Making Bad Jello

When I was headed home to see my fambly! I was so excited I just had to take a (weird) picture.

Procrastination strikes again! I do apologize (ahem, again) for the delay, folks, but I mostly had good reasons!

When I left Grenada, MS (our first summit) I actually got to go home for a few days to see Will be baptized. Praise the Lord that our second summit was close to home so that I was able to do that! So I didn’t write then because I was home and got to talk to most of you.

Then, when I got to our second summit (in Augusta, GA) I found out that I was sitting through services for the whole summit. So that meant no Base Camp for me (mostly) and I just got to “be a church member.’ I expected God would teach me at least one thing that I could write about, so I pushed off writing unitl the end.

So, here I am. It’s the evening before our first service in Crestview, Fl and I can truly say that yes, God did show me at least one thing…more like one hundred things. He’s good like that, you ask Him to work on you and tell Him you’re open to change, and He’ll definitely take you up on it!

Here’s the biggie for me: - y’all ready for this, are ya sure? Okay- Ahem

I’m very foolish.

You see, I started out the summit with this mindset of “oh, I’m sitting through, so I must have some huge emotional/spiritual experience so that I can be sure I’m listening.” Problem with that was it was totally the wrong way to go about it.

I sat through each service for the first week and tried to apply every single thing I heard to myself. Well, in a sense, that would be good because it would mean that I was open to whatever God wanted to say, but I realized that my heart was in the wrong place. I wanted everything to apply to me so that I could be “so humble” and “so willing to admit my sin” and yada yada yada. I wanted others to see my change and think well of me.

In reality, there were some areas that I didn’t actually need to work on and there were some areas that I did: but it was all between me and God, not between me and people around me with a little bit of God thrown in for good measure.

I was beginning to realize this about myself but I wasn’t quite able to wrap my mind around it when “Salvation Sunday” came along.

Lemme tell you: an entire week of over-the-top introspection and a lot of pride will leave you feeling like you’re trying to balance on jello. I spent the entire Sunday morning service riddled with confusion and frustration. Where was the peace I always felt when I thought about eternity? Why was I feeling so off? Am I not really saved? Am I not His child if I can’t vividly remember the moment I realized I was lost?

I was miserable.

After service, Rebekah saw me and asked how I was and I guess she could see something in my face because she immediately asked if she could pray for me. It’s amazing how God will place someone in your life who can be the help and wisom you need from Him just when you need it.

When I told her what I was feeling, I found out I was not alone. She often had the same trouble when she would sit through services and had to learn how to discern truth from ungodly doubt and confusion. She prayed for me, and she gave me truth and then I cried and then I felt peace.

No longer miserable.

That wasn’t the end, though. I had never felt so shaken in my standing before and I had to wrestle those lies all day and into the next couple of days. I still had peace (most of the time), but it bothered me that I had been so off-balance.

Then I figured out what my jello was made of:

Pride...

Selfishness…

Vanity…

A lot of me, me, me.

On Tuesday that week, I was reading a book called Show Them Jesus that was written to CMs to remind them to weave the gospel into everything. There was an object lesson that the writer had used with some kids that God then used to get my attention.

Imagine you have received your report card and all of the subjects are spiritual traits (kindness, humility, respectfulness, servant’s attitude, etc…) and in every single subject your grades were abysmal. God requires perfection and there are no middle grades. You’re either perfect or you fail. Well, everybody fails, so God takes your report card and replaces your name at the top with Jesus’ and then He takes Jesus’ perfect record and puts your name at the top. You didn’t do anything to make that change happen, God just wanted to do it.

Well, I realized that I really did already have my name on Jesus’ report card, but I had begun to believe the lie that Jesus came along and erased all the faliling grades but I had to try to refill the supposed empty slots with new perfect grades: I can do it! I’m a Christian, so I can be better than I was before!

Not true. Sure, I try to do good things and read my Bible and pray- but not because I have to earn a gift already given. I am not beholden to God in that sense. When I try to earn God’s grace then I’m not really accepting the gift as a gift, and that’s wrong.

So, that’s what God showed me. I’m not sure when exactly I had fallen into that lie of earning grace, but I’m so glad that God showed me truth. I’m still catching myself trying to think that way, but at least now I’m recognizing it so God can continue working in me to change it.

And if I mess up, that’s okay. I’ll just take the hand God is offering and He’ll pull me off the jello and place me back on the Rock. Because He loves me. = )

And He loves you too.

So, what’s your jello made of?

Love,

Anna

Ephesians 2:8-10

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this Is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works so that no one may boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.