Look Around You

Good morning! So, I thought I would share with y'all something I wrote several years ago that God has been bringing to mind as I struggle to keep my focus here on the road. I hope you enjoy and that maybe God will use it in your heart as He is in mine. 

Look Around You

He stepped onto the park’s path and felt the cares of the world draining away. He’d had enough of work and responsibility and caring without return. He needed something different…new…fresh…away from people…He needed peace.

As he looked around, he began to smile for the first time in weeks. This was what he needed.

 Sure, there was a drunk stretched out on one bench and a sullen teen with earbuds on another. A mother and daughter ignoring each other on the path ahead, an old woman sitting alone by the pond, and a child sitting listless on a swing as his parents argued by the monkey bars…but the man could ignore all of those things.

And he did.

(I got to enjoy some beauty, too, in Kernersville, NC)

He instead admired the beauty of the trees stretching toward the sun as they lay down their offerings of red and gold. He saw the peaceful ripples left by the mother duck as she led her family across the water. There was a joyful breeze singing “rest” to his ears and the soft grass danced with his feet.

This was good. This was a place he could go to get away and not have to care. He paused and thanked God for bringing him to the park.

Yet, there was something missing… Was there a better park somewhere? Should he come every day and eventually he would find contentment? He wanted simply to forget the world and bask in God’s creation, what was wrong? What else did he need?

Then, as though the wind paused its song to whisper in his ear, he heard “Look around you.”

“Yes, Lord,” he thought, “it is beautiful. You made a good thing.”

Then, again, “Look around you.”

What else was there? The trees, the pond, the path, the grass, the ducks, the sun…it was all marvelous and he was grateful.

“Look around you; look what I have made.”

The man looked again and, this time, he saw the people. He didn’t want to see them. People were why he wanted to get away.

“Look what I have made.”

So he looked and began to understand.

He saw the skill and strength still there in the hand of the drunk as he tossed his bottle straight into the trash 15 feet away.

He admired the smile of the old woman as the now-active teen rushed to pick up her dropped cane, then accepted her invitation to sit next to her on the bench.

He heard the mother and daughter share a giggle at the antics of two squirrels who ran across their path.

And he saw the child now skipping ahead of his parents as they walked behind him holding hands.

The man rose to go home as he felt wonder soak in to his very soul.

God made the park. The trees - He clothed. The ducks, He made to glide and the wind, He taught to sing. The grass - He coaxed to dance. But the people…

The people - He loved. 

Let's try this again

The Painter of the skies loves me and is so very patient. I am grateful and humbled to be called His own.

Hello all! 

So, I am going to follow tradition and apologize for not writing in so long. I'm not sure, but it feels like it's been about five hundred years since I wrote during Family camp. Okay, five hundred may be a slight exaggeration...

Since that time, I have finished those four weeks at Family Camp, survived (and enjoyed) four-ish weeks of Staff Training, completed one 15-day Summit in Knoxcille, TN and most of a 15-day here in Princeton, IN. All of that from July, 11th to October 10th. 

3 months.

When I put it that way it doesn't seem like so much, but if I am brutally honest, it feels like years and then - when I think about the year ahead - it seems as though I will never get to go home. I've been homesick before but this seems to take the cake. I'm not doubting that this is where I'm supposed to be right now, but I am struggling to focus and find my heart - God's heart - for these people. I've been a little better this last week, though, and I think it's because I finally asked God to help me be focused and to look at the "now" and stop fretting about what's ahead. 

Why do I wait to call on God? He's always here, He's always waiting and loving and patient and powerful. Why do I wait until I've tried to do it my way and then call on Him as a last resort? It seems so foolish and self-destructive, yet I do it continually. God is gracious, though, and I'm learning. 

Actually, I feel as though I'm always re-learning that same lesson, and many others. I'm so glad God gently catches my attention and says, "okay, let's try this again." I want to learn to extend that same grace to those around me.

So, I asked for His help and He gave it. The last week I have been encouraged directly and indirectly with the many ways God is using my team to bring Him glory. 

~A 7 1/2 year old boy was too scared to come into Base Camp (where I teach) and hid in the corner the first day. Eventually, he had to be taken to his mom. The next day, they tried again. When he came to sign in, his parents returned a filled-in prayer card for him. Usually, the parents fill out prayer requests but this time the Base Camper had told them what he needed. He said "pray that I won't be afraid to come to Base Camp" and several other requests. We've been praying and he's come nearly every day. He comes to the sign-in table smiling and then runs up the stairs to Base Camp. He sits on the front row, participates, memorizes verses and says them to a teacher and has no more fear. 

~Another Base Camp kid (10 year old girl) came to me with a radiant smile on her face and told me that she had finally cleared her conscience about something that had happened over two years ago. 

~4 church members admitted they were lost and finally, truly, professed Christ as their Savior and Lord.

I could go on, and I'm sure there are many stories from these wonderful people that I have not heard. The point is: God is working. I can either sit back and bemoan my homesick heart and be useless- or I can dive right in and humbly ask God to work in me and through me. 

So that's where I am. Please continue to pray for me and for my team. There is a lot of sickness going around and our schedule is very full. We need energy and continued focus and passion. 

Thank you all for your love and encouragement! I come home November 23rd and I look forward to seeing many of you the Sunday after Thanksgiving (also known as the day after my birthday!) if not before. 

Love much,
Anna

Craziness, Clinginess, Crying and Cacophony

Front Row - 2nd from the left. I"m not wearing my sunglasses, are you proud?

So, this is my "family" right now. It's a vast group of many different personalities (really, it's amazing how creative God is) and I know and enjoy...most of them.

I see them when they come into the Snack Shop where we converse while I dish up their ice cream or ring up their CREW discount on a Life Action t-shirt. 

Many of them I see with the families they are assisting as they drop off or pick up a toddler from Sonshine club. 

I am in charge of Sonshine, so I stand at the door and assure parents that we will make keep their child from eating gluten or getting lost or kissing all the girls. 

Two hours later, I stand at the door and wave at suddenly angelically smiling children while I try to apologize to one parent for the fact that their child is wearing no clothing because she pooped through the other ones while I simultaneously attempt to politely inform another parent that his/her child will not stop hitting the others. 

I go through this song and dance in the morning and then work Snack Shop all afternoon and then repeat the song and dance again after supper.  

I miss home. A lot. I called twice today because I've been sick all week and I just needed to hear their voices and have them sympathize over my seventeen Sonshine kids.

Now, you may read all this and think I'm complaining and I'm not trying to, I just wanted you to see the reality of my life right now. 

Is it easy? NO!

Is it fun? Sometimes.

Is it where I want to be? Sometimes.

Is it where I need to be? Yes.

Is it worth it? ALWAYS!

I may go through moments of intense grumpiness and simply want to hide in my room with a tub of sour cream, lots of things to dip in it, and a good movie, but I know I would go through those moments no matter where I am. 

I just keep reminding myself that I am helping these parents by giving them four hours every day in which they can pause and reconnect with God. Every parent needs a break sometimes, and every parent needs God at all times. Many of them are in dire need of a refocus and if I can allow them that by dealing with craziness, clinginess, crying and cacophony, then I will do it with purpose and joy.

Please pray for me that I can maintain this point of view. 

I hope and pray all of you are well and pursuing Christ with everything that you are. 

Love much,

Anna

Pillows are Important

Hello again!

Today, I would like to tell you about pillows, because they are important. 

If you were ever to peek inside a Schaffner vehicle packed (to the gills) for vacation, all you would really see is pillows everywhere. Each seat will have a pillow and most will have more than one. There will also be blankets. 

Some of you are laughing because you know how very true it is!

Why do we like pillows? Well, most people do, but it would seem we are somewhat in the extreme. I look at it this way: If I have a pillow that bunches in just the right way and is familiar and is comfortable and is mostly made of air so it can be squished to fit in small places when not being used and is extremely light...why wouldn't I bring it with me? Why leave to "fate" the state of an unknown pillow at my next stop? Why arrive at vacation only to find I don't sleep exactly well the whole time simply because my pillow (and don't neglect the pillow case, either, but that's another rant) doesn't have the right sort of squishitude? Twould be silly, would it not? Yes, twould. (I knew you would agree with me, you are very nice.)

With my pillow on hand, I can sleep pretty much anywhere.

Now, I do admit that I take this common sense a step further and I typically carry TWO pillows wherever I go. I have good reason: I'm in a different place every three weeks (or more frequently) and it's good to have something that stays the same everywhere I go. The second pillow is just the right squishitude that my neck is used to under the perfect squishitude of the first. It's not quite as crucial, but it is desirable and makes my nomadic life less "foreign." I know some people may find this excessive, so I usually arrive at a host home with only one pillow and then I retrieve the second one from my closet on the truck if it seems I won't be able to sleep well without it. 

I also carry a blanket...

and a small bean pillow to curl around when I sleep... 

Little bits of home and goodness. 

I am not ashamed. = )

So, with this family habit and personal background in mind, I would like to tell you of my recent adventures through the airports as I traveled home from Wisconsin.

First, I would have you know that I was using forethought and knew I could not walk through an airport with two regular pillows, a small pillow and a blanket, so I left the second pillow behind and decided to carry one regular pillow and another pillowcase with the blanket and small pillow in it. I thought this was reasonable: I was going home for a month and a half and I wanted all the familiar, good, things about me.

Sadly, none of this could fit in my suitcases. 

Nothing wrong with carrying pillows on a plane. 

Or so I thought. 

Did I get in trouble? No. 

Was I slightly embarrassed? Very slightly.

You see, it seemed my pillows were conspicuous. I was traveling with Steven and Christy Canfield (she is a.k.a. the "Female 1 + 1") and they may have laughed at me, but at least they were used to my pillowy ways. But the people at the airport were different. I got lots of strange looks, according to Christy, and several comments. 

The looks are easy to ignore: 

I can't see them. 

But the comments...

The first couple commented on them while standing in line to get on the plane. Something along the lines of "well, you look comfy"... I also got a few "why didn't we think of that" type comments. These all seemed complimentary, and perhaps they were, but they also seemed to be saying "well, you stand out and I'm glad I don't"

Then there was the kicker: Christy and I had just gotten off the plane and were waiting about 20 feet back from the door for Steven (who had kindly taken my seat next to two big guys way in the back.) to disembark. So, we're standing outside the gate in Savannah, - Christy with her 1+1-ness and me with my pillows - and I'm completely zoned out due to foggy naps when I foggily hear (over the intercom, mind you) a very official voice saying "...and I will count pillows as carry-on..." I didn't quite catch it at first, so the Female 1+1 nudged me while the official voice repeated "...I repeat, pillows will be counted...yes, I'm talking to you ma'am." This is the part where the fog cleared and I realized the woman at the desk near the door had decided to point out my pillows too. 

This is also the part where I was infinitely glad that I couldn't actually SEE all those people I could FEEL staring at me. 

So. I smiled at the official voice and ignored them and thought "silly lady, we're not flying any more today so your pointing me out was unnecessary." 

Then Steven came and we went home and I was happy to have my pillows that night.

Though I do still miss the second one. 

All this silliness aside, I really do enjoy having the constancy of the same pillow(s) and whatnot wherever I go. Life on the road is always changing and never quite what you expect. It's exciting to meet new people and see new places, but it is also good to have those things that never change. 

Far more important than my pillows: God never changes. 

If ever I caved to self-consciousness and left the familiar things at home, I would still have the ever-present, never-changing, awe-inspiring, mind-blowing, familiar-yet-incomprehensible love of God in my life. This knowledge is what keeps me going and is what led me to sign up for another year on the road. This Goodness is what fuels my desire to see this country on its knees in worship of Him. I want people to see me and comment on God in my life. I want people to see HIM and know that it is good to need and allow Him wherever they go and whatever they do. God is good and He is faithful and He loves us beyond all imagination. And we need Him oh so desperately.

That's definitely more important than pillows. 

Love,

Anna

Still not ashamed

Machine Falls in Tullahoma, Tennessee

Two weeks left

I have been traveling with this team since September 7^th and all we have left together is two weeks. It seems surreal and sad, but there is always something to look forward to and I am SO excited to be seeing my family on the 21^st!

So, where have I been and what have I been doing?

You ask excellent questins.

I have been to Tennessee ( a lot) and to Illinois and North Carolina. Now I am headed to Minnesota and then Wisconsin.

I like cheese.

I wonder if people from Wisconsin get tired of being associated with cheese.

When we were in North Carolina we were actually kind of on break. The team spent four days at a beautiful place called The Barn at Buladean.

While we were there:

I did not have cell service.

I did not have television.

I did not have to teach.

I did not have to dress up.

I did not have to eat breakfast.

I did not have a way to leave unless I wanted to hike.

However:

I did have movies to watch with friends.

I did have lots of good food.

I did play games.

I did sleep in.

I did have a lot of good talks.

I did refill the water jug.

I did try to go hiking (didn’t work so well: getting over bronchitis (maybe) + altitude + sunlight + thorns + starting out on a really steep hill = wimpy blind girl coughing her way back down the mountain ten minutes in. I am not ashamed.)

I did sit around a fire.

I did laugh until I cried (and had to make a mad dash to the 

restroom. Still not ashamed)

I did a lot of thinking.

I did find peace for my restless mind. I had been wrestling with God about how He made me. He made me to be quiet and introverted and bookish and I want to be spunky and vibrant. He made me to be emotional and sensitive and I think I should be strong and independent all the time. He made me to be kinda goofy and I wanted to be elegant…. Do you see the self-contradiction going on here? I wanted to be everything. Short story: I guess I had got caught up in disappointment in how I thought I should be in order to be more loved by everyone. So, I was doing (or trying to be) so many things and I became physically and emotionally drained and, consequently, ineffectual.

God showed me that I was walking in a constant desire for man’s approval. He showed me this is wrong and an insult to Him and how He lovingly created me. So I’m working on seeing the person He made me to be and re-learning to like myself just as me, not as who I think I should be. I feel like I go through this process every couple of years. Is that normal?

Katheryn Trout and me at the Falls. She's such a joy to my life!

I did feel physically refreshed.

Then, we went to Asheville for the HeartCry for Revival conference. If Buladean was physically refreshing, then HeartCry was spiritually refreshing. We were working, (I actually got to use a cash register and all that jazz. It was fun! I’m a nerd…still not ashamed.) 

We were also learning. There were so many good messages that I really can’t remember all of what God showed me, but I have notes so it’s all good. I do remember two big things.

1. PRAY!! We need to be praying. About everything, really.

2. Better to be sleep-deprived than God-deprived. True statement. I didn’t like it. I like to sleep, but God convicted me of laziness and general irresponsibility. It took me a couple of weeks, but last week and so far this week I got up at 7:00 every work day and 8:00 every day off. It helped that I had some projects to work on. Next week is going to be more difficult. Please pray for me! I do like it, though, because I have more energy and I am getting so much done!! = )

(This is the part where I can hear Daddy rolling his I-told-you-so eyes and others saying “congratulations, Anna, you’re an adult. It takes a while, but I’m learning. Still not ashamed…well, maybe a little.) Is God worth all this? Absolutely, beyond a shadow of a doubt, always.

After HeartCry, we had another full summit (15-day) in Tullahoma, TN and now we have a Thirst Conference (4-day) in Prior Lake, Minnesota and then a Thirst in Monroe, Wisconsin.

I’ve met some amazing people and had to leave behind some kids that I really just wanted to take with me. God, through the grace and power of His Spirit, is working in my heart and I am able to see Him working in so many others. I really wish I could remember it all and tell you. Now that I have all this time on my hands ; ) I’ll hopefully post again before we leave in two weeks and I’ll have some of the kids’ testimonies for you to read!

I do remember this: mustard is sneaky. Sometimes, it gets its little rebellious self into a bowl (instead of the traditional bottle) and pretends to be cheese dip right up until you scoop up a ton of it on your favorite kind of chip and pop it in your mouth. 

Shudder. 

Bleh.

Still not ashamed...I just laugh. 

I used to kind of like mustard...

I just cannot get over how restful
and beautiful this place is. God's
creativity is astounding.

Also, good news! I only have $850 dollars left for this year’s ministry fee! God has been so good to provide for me through various sources this year and I know He will do the same for next year. I really dislike asking for financial help (I think it’s a pride issue: working on that) and I know He’ll provide for next year’s fee, too. If you would like to help me with a one-time donation or become a mothly supporter for next year then I would appreciate that so much! Thank you all of you who have already been supporting me. y'all are a blessing to my heart and a constant reminder of God's love for me.

Here’s the link, https://www.lifeaction.org/donate/support-a-staff-member/ or you can send a check to Life Action Ministries with a note saying the amount is to go toward my ministry fee.

I’m going into this next summit with hope and purpose and a lot of anticipation, praise the Lord!! Please pray with me that the people in Minnesota and Wisconsin will be refreshed and that we, as a team, will invest in them with selflessness and joy.

Thank you for sticking with me, I’ll see y’all soon!!

Love much,

Anna

Getting Cozy

When the team got back together we stayed at a beautiful place called The Grove for 3 days

Good winter's morn!

Today, I feel...cozy. The reason? It's the second day of being "snowed" (aka "iced") in at our host homes in Bartlett, Tennessee. Yesterday: I did nothing. Oh wait, that's wrong. I washed a load of clothes. And folded them. And put them away. And I showered....Yeah, that's it. 

One day like that every now and again is acceptable, but I figured two days in such a state would render me too much a couch potato. I like potatoes; I do not want to be a potato. 

there's a bit of ice on the ground: apparently
to keep us from driving to church. = )

As part of my campaign to be productive (or semi-productive, let's not get too crazy) I opened my laptop, came here and realized I have not written a post since I went on Christmas break!!! So what has happened in my life since then? 

Well, I had a wonderful break. It was possibly not as productive as it could have been (I'm seeing a pattern here) but I thoroughly enjoyed being home with my family and just doing normal life together. Well, mostly normal: it is my family after all. = )

While at the Grove, we had a
Heroes vs. Villains party.
I was a hero(ine) named OwlEye.
I was very wise.

On November 31st, I made a decision that I would write in my prayer journal EVERY day, no excuses. I'm not under a false impression that I will fall out of grace if I miss a day or that doing such small tasks somehow earns me heavenly points. No, I resolved to do this because I need it. I need to make sure I focus on God in that way each day. I need to pause and allow myself to dwell in the peace of God. I need to be deeply honest with God and myself. I need to be intentional. I need to know Him more and how can I do that if I don't talk to Him? These really are needs, not wants.

Thus far, I have not missed a single day. Does that mean it's easy as pie? NO! Most days, it's a battle. I make excuses: I'm too tired. I don't feel like thinking. I don't want to analyze my thoughts and actions of the day. I just want to read a book. I can't leave the light on because I have a roommate. I already talked to Him today before service... God's grace is truly marvelous. I could not have come this far without His help. 

Already, I see changes in my heart and my behavior, and more changes that need to happen. I'm more comfortable talking about what God's doing in my life. I'm more at peace and less stressed about when I teach lessons. I'm more intentional with the kids because I honestly want to share this love with them. I used to inwardly scoff when I would hear women say they were "falling in love with Jesus," and I still think that we use those words far too flippantly. However, I see the reality of it in my life now. I'm seeing in me the necessity of Him in my life and I delight in it. He is All and I do love that time of writing to Him (once I do sit down to write.) 

I'm not sure how well I'm saying this, but the point is: I'm growing, I'm changing, and I'm joyful because God is answering my daily prayer that I would know Him and love Him more. 

So that's my heart right now. That's the journey I'm on. I love it that I can still be the same with God even when my surroundings are changing all the time. 

Team went to Starbucks on
Valentine's Day and they had random
fun date things on the tables. I used a
double mustache to make a crown.
It looked better as a crown.

Speaking of changing surroundings: we have been to Arlington, TN, Dalton, GA, and Bartlett, TN so far and we leave for Harrison, TN on Thursday. Each summit and each group of kids has had its ups and downs. (this summit we have so many kids that we have to stand on a low stage and use mics and stare into spotlights. I can't see past the first row of kids and that, my friends, stresses me out like nothing else: but God is holding me steady.) My host families have been WONDERFUL (I feel spoiled) and I've seen God working through the adults and children. We are planting and God is growing some while we are there and more after we leave. I love this ministry and the opportunities it gives us to touch more lives with truth and authenticity. It's hard, but it's wonderful. 

Because my heart is so attached to the mission of Life Action, I have prayed about traveling another year and God has said "yes." It's an exciting thing, but it's harder than I expected: I miss my family A LOT and I worry about the money since I still haven't finished paying the ministry for this year, much less next. But. I know God has a plan and He will provide and I know I'm where I"m supposed to be. 

Please pray for me: that I would continue to trust, that I won't be homesick, that I would not be anxious about the money and that I wouldn't miss a day of dwelling in His presence. 

Thank you all so much for your love and encouragement!!

Love,

Anna